


Tuvix

by Muizeke83



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:23:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3159395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muizeke83/pseuds/Muizeke83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What in my mind happened when Janeway walked out of sickbay when she brought Tuvok and Neelix back.</p><p>A quicky, not revised, corrected, whatever...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tuvix

She didn’t know where to go, but she had to get out of sickbay and fast. Without saying a word, she turned on her heel and headed for the door.  
Thankful for the empty corridor, she managed to get to the turbo lift. It took all of her strength to hold herself together.  
“Bridge.” she ordered.  
Her knuckles were white from balling her fists; she didn’t even notice the pain from her nails digging into her flesh. She concentrated as hard as she could on her breathing, because if she failed to do that, she was afraid she wouldn’t make it to her ready room in time.

 

Chakotay turned his head when the lift doors opened and saw Janeway, white as a sheet and clenched teeth. The hurried step indicated that there was something definitely wrong. He jumped to his feet and followed her into the ready room. “You have the bridge, lieutenant.”

 

As soon as the doors closed behind her, she couldn’t hold it anymore. She grabbed the waste basket next to her desk and threw up. Chakotay was by her side in an instant and she was grateful for his support, because she literally and figuratively broke down right there and then.  
She heaved once more, set the basket down and covered her face with her hands, wanting nothing more than to disappear. 

 

Chakotay held her, not saying a word. He knew this was going to affect her, he just didn’t know to what extent. He now realized that her decision made more of an impact than they could have both anticipated.  
They had both Tuvok and Neelix back, but she still had taken a life. The life of someone who had become their colleague, their friend. Someone who had started to build a life for himself.  
He looked down at her still form. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t trembling. She sat there, completely still, just staring at nothing in particular.  
“Captain?” he tried. Very slowly she looked up at him and their eyes locked. He saw her fighting her emotions, her eyebrow twitching with the effort to hold it in. “It’s okay.” he said, barely a whisper, but it was enough for her to throw in the towel and let her emotions get the better of her.  
A strangled sob escaped and Chakotay wrapped his arms around her, hoping he could give her the comfort she needed at this moment. 

 

Janeway buried her face into his chest and cried. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel anything but hurt and guilt for what she had done. What had seemed like the right decision didn’t seem right at all now. All these conflicting feelings made her dizzy and nauseous again. She turned her head a little and drew in deep breaths to calm herself and her stomach down. Chakotay’s soothing touch helped a great deal and she managed to stop crying.  
Suddenly very aware of where she was, she sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes.  
“I’m sorry you had to see that.” she apologized and motioned for the waste basket.  
Chakotay pushed up on his feet and offered a hand to help her up too. “That’s okay. I can’t begin to image how you must be feeling right now, but seeing you like this, gave me some insight.”  
Janeway looked down at her clasped hands and sighed. “This was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.” Her voice faltered. A sickening pressure built in her chest again.  
  
She felt Chakotay place his hand on her shoulder and looked up at him. “I’m here for you, you know that, right?” The sincerity in his voice and eyes moved her.  
“Thank you.” She managed a small smile and Chakotay mirrored her reaction. “I have to make a report now.” She sighed.  
Chakotay nodded. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m right outside that door.” He tilted his head towards the bridge door, looked her in the eye once more, and then left.  
Janeway first recycled the bin and sat down at her desk. Maybe writing the report could give her emotions some place, but she knew that however she looked at it, she had done something so drastic, which she would carry for the rest of her life.

BDC 2015


End file.
